I found out today that my high school religion teacher died. Greg Lewis was a good man. I took a number of classes with him during my time at MSJA. Social Issues, Death and Dying, and Peace to name a few. I also knew him because of my involvement with the Social Justice Club. During my time at MSJA I served as Vice President...and President of the Social Justice Club. Mr. Lewis was the faculty advisor for the Social Justice Club. Mr. Lewis was one of the first people to teach me about Feminism, Civil Disobedience, Dorothy Day, social responsibility, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Apartheid, Steven Biko, the stages of death, Elisabeth Kubler Ross, and the writings of Richard Bach. This may sound corny....but I really do owe a big part of who I am today to him. He will be missed.

My mom celebrated her birthday last week. We were supposed to take her out for dinner on Thursday.....but she spiked a fever......and was having trouble with her stoma.....so we had to cancel. They also cancelled her chemo for the week....etc., etc. They put her on an antibiotic......she has been feeling better the last couple of days. We rescheduled our dinner celebration. She started radiation last week. She seemed to be very nervous leading up to it. I think it was the mystery behind it that was scary. I spoke with her after her first radiation appointment....and she appeared to be fine. I think the mystery was gone.

My leg...let's see. I have an appointment to see the doctor on September 11th. I'm feeling a little wierded out by the date. I'm praying that Dr. Chaglassian will allow me to start putting some pressure on my leg on that day. I am scheduled to see Jen...my physical therapist right after I see Chaglassian. So...if he says I can put weight on it...I will get going on it.

So how am I dealing with the broken leg thing? Well I have been making an effort to get around without the wheelchair. Work has been tiring. I feel completely powerless and frustrated with having to rely on others to get me around. I have been trying to get out as much as possible....but it's hard.

I finally got word from the MBTA that I am eligible for the RIDE. However I have to buy ride tickets and I can only get them by going to Back Bay Station or waiting seven to 10 days to get them via the mail. Argh!

We went to see the New Orleans Klezmer All Stars at Johnny D's. I think I did a good job at getting up th step to get inside the club........and at moving around. The woman at the door was very nice and understodd thw whole non weight bearing leg thing. She told me that she had surgery and had been non weight bearing for three months. Yikes! That made me feel a bit better.

We went to eat at Oleana the other night. They had a ramp...and were very helpful with the leg thing. The food...and the environment....was amazing. I Highly recommend it. We were there for two hours...and loved every minute of it. My leg didn't mind it either.

I have been watching a lot of Degrassi: the Next Generation. It's pretty good....but not as great as the old show. Some of the old characters even show up.....like Joey...and Snake.

Mom went to her last radiation workup appointment today. She starts next week. She said it's a super sterile environment....like something out of a science fiction movie. This is very different then when she goes to chemo. The people at chemo are super friendly and approachable. I wonder what makes the two environments so different.

Went to see the doctor yesterday. He told me that I have to wait three more weeks before putting weight on my leg. He said he would take an x-ray in three weeks and make the decision. If all looks good then I will be able to put 50% pressure on my leg. How do I measure 50% pressure anyway? Hmm.......maybe my physical therapist will give me a clue. I'm annoyed that I have so much time before I can put weight on it. It has already been three weeks. He initially said four to six weeks...I was hoping for closer to four.

Had physical therapy yesterday too. It was very exciting.

Mom saw the stoma nurse therapist the other day. It appears she needs a smaller seal for her colostomy bag.

Mom and I were talking about how it's sometimes easier to deal with a life or death thing like cancer or liver failure then something some would call trivial such as a broken leg or colostomy bag. It's lifes inconveniences that are so difficult like.....not being able to pick something up off the floor....or being afraid ones colostomy bag would break. I don't mean to trivialize a terrible thing such as cancer or organ failure.....believe me...it's scary knowing you could die. I only mean to highlight that small things can be a big problem.

I was talking with a friend the other day about how when one has an injury...or illness that one needs to go through a grieving process. I think this is true. I definately had a grieving thing going on for a week or so.

So a lot has happened since my last post. I decided to go to Maine for a week. We went to Lewiston, Bar Harbor, Frenchville, Bangor, and stopped off at Old Orchard Beach on the way home. Part of why we broke the trip up was because all the sitting in a moving car business was bothering me knee. SO we did the world tour of Maine....it was nice. I started physical therapy yesterday. My Physical Therapist is nice. She gave me a whole bunch of painful exercises for me to do......which she reassures me are good for me. I started back to work yesterday. I went in for 5.25 hours yesterday...and 7.50 today. I'm tired. I am working from home today.

I think I have athletes foot. I got a bloody nose last night and it took a while to stop. I think it's the aspirin I'm taking to prevent bloodclots.

So back to my Mom. She is starting radiation next week. She met with the stoma nurse therapist today. She has been trying to work a few days a week. She has decided to face the cancer head on and be aggressive. I guess now is the time.

I haven't seen much of my Mom recently. It's because I have a fractured tibia...and cannot drive...and I'm tired a lot too. I wish I could be there for my Mom more.

Fell on my foot again last night. I was trying to be independent after my shower.....this is no good. I hopped on my good foot......and it sort of stuck to the floor.......and my body kept going...this is bad.

Went to see the orthopedic guy today. He says I'm doing very well. I got a new brace....and he said I can start trying to bend my knee for a half hour twice a day. Oh yes and to tae aspisrin to prevent bloodclots....and work on moving my foot back and forth.

I still cannot drive. ARGH!

Been working from home a few hours this week. Probably six hours...that sounds right.

Starting physical therapy soon...three times a week...YIKES!

Mom is going to get poisoned at te hospital today.....ah..chemotherapy. She is starting her radiation at the end of the month. She got her tattoos the other day for radiation. She said she would never get a real tattoo after this experience because these little teeny dots were painful enough. MY moms getting tough. She got tattoos this week and also won a Harley Davidson gift pack by scratching a lottery ticket. Rrrgh! :)

I went to the see the doctor last Thursday. He took another x-ray of my knee because I had put a teeny bit of pressure on my foot over the course of the week. The x-ray revealed that I have mutliple tibial plateau fractures. I was really upset to find this out. The doctor literally said.."we are dealing witha bag of bones here and we don't want it to fall apart." WHAT THE HELL KIND OF COMMENT IS THAT to make to a patient witha broken limb? I'm supposed to be getting my new brace this week.

I've been really down about all of this between my mom's cancer....and this crappy broken leg. I've been crying left and right....I have no energy. I was alienating everyone except my family. I didn't feel like I could get by with seeing people without bursting into tears. I'm trying to reach out to the people who have been trying to support me these days. I should let them in.

My knee is somewhat painful. I have these terrible charlie horse like muscle pains in my calf. What progress has been made....? I can lift my leg a bit. I am getting better on my crutches. I am in less pain.