So.....about my Mom...she has decided to go ahead with the radiation. She will be starting that soon. We are still waiting to hear from her doctor.

About me.....I broke my leg on Sunday.....yup.......tibial plateau fracture. I was running for the bus.........my foot hit the ground....I felt a burning pain in my knee....and then I fell and hit the ground. It's all crazy....I don't know why this happened...I was only running. Maybe it's because I'm double jointed.....or maybe it's because I was on Prednisone for such a long time. I hate this. I cannot bend my knee or put any weight on my foor for four to six weeks. I will need to wear a brace that goes from the top of my thigh to my ankle for four to six months. I cannot drive for a few weeks. I am in pain. My leg feels like a lump of painful dead weight. I feel almost paralyzed sometimes. I am trying to learn how to use the crutches....we rented a wheelchair yesterday. I will be out of work for a few weeks. Even when I go back....I'm not sure how it is going to be. My family and friends have been wonderful. Although I'm in this depressed.........percoset induced exhausted mode. I wish this never happened to me. How much medical trauma can one person....one family take in one year?

I feel like I haven't posted in an age.....I guess it has been a week. We went to Provincetown last weekend. It was nice to get away for a bit. This was the trip we had postponed because Mom was in the hospital in May. Mom saw the surgeon on Monday and won't be seeing him for a couple of months now. She met with the radiology oncology person yesterday. He outlined some of the issues with the radiation.....positives and negatives. He is looking at her films.........and reports to make a more educated decision about how to proceed. The thing that is different with her possibly getting radiation...is that it isn't 100% clear which way she should go. We knew she needed the surgery....we knew she needed chemotherapy......but the radiation is another story. I feel like this is the first issue that has come up where she has a real say in how to proceed. I don't like these types of decisions.....because its sort of like playing roulette with your own body. There are positives.....there are negatives etc., etc. I guess one would have to way these and make a decision. I wish they had a definitive answer. Of course they don't.

Mom is looking into long term disability.

Today she mentioned something about going in town to do some shopping. I'm glad she is trying to get around.

Tonight I am having dinner with a friend I have known for 15 years. She currently lives in LA and is visiting for a week. Unfortunately her aunt has cancer and my friend was hoping that a visit from her would cheer her up. I hope so....I'm sure it will. My Mom knew that my friend was visiting and had expressed some interest in seeing her. So...after dinner we are planning on hanging out with my Mom for a while. I think it will be nice.

I took Mom to chemotherapy on Monday. We got there a little early and they brought us into a small room with a chair, tv with remote, and a bunch of hospital equipment. I met Mom's nurse...who looked very familiar to me. I later realized that this woman had gone to my high school and graduated the year before me. They prepped my mom by wrapping her arms in a heating pad...she has bad veins. They finally found a vein and she got a nice new iv. Finally after about a half hour of this preparation she was ready for her chemo. This consisted of her getting one kind of poison through the iv for a little while....followed by another poison for a while......then another one. This process took an hour and a half or so. We learned while we were there that people read a poem and ring a bell when they have finished their last chemo. I thought this was a nice...and sort of touching tradition. One woman rang the bell while we were there...which was followed by a lot of hugs...and even a few tears...I would guess. I almost teared up myself....not sure if watching this woman finally overcome this awful disease....made me feel this way....or if it was because I had my period.......probably more of the first....and some of the latter. I was thinking at the time...that my Mom had 21 more chemo treatments in front of her..........which will take her into the winter at this point. I was longing for the day she would ring that bell. I was thinking that I wanted to be there with her when she rang the bell.

Mom went to see the stoma nurse therapist today. It appears she had a reaction to the sutures. Mom said that they burnt around the irritation to try to cure this problem. See...more burning and poison. Cancer is all about burning and poison I think.

Lately I have been reading Bitch Magazine and listening to Sleater-Kinney, and the Butchies. I've really been into the girl power thing these days. Not that I'm some supercool punk feminist womyn..........I'm just your regular old not really butch....not really femme, 30 year old dyke archivist who likes yoyos, drinking coffee, and writing in this blog. I have just been feeling like I have a lot to vent about...or at least a lot to say about......my Mom's illness...the medical community....and the world around me.

Mom got a call from the hospital saying that they had "forgotten" to look at her chest when they did the CT Scan. So....she needed to go in and have them do that. Silly radiologists.

So....Mom also went to see the oncologist the other day. It appears that the size of her growth and it's location are of some concern. They are thinking about using radiation in conjunction with her chemotherapy. Mom says...not only are they poisoning me.......but now they are thinking of burning me too. I hope they won't need to do the radiation.......but if it will make her better then I'm all for it. It's just that the process sucks..and is awful.....and is nothing I could imagine at this point in my life. Yes...I had liver failure...which incluced peratinitis (sp?) a blood clot in my groin....my turning yellow......blood that would not clot......ascites........fluid in my lungs...and hypoglycemia..........but none of that involved poisoning my whole body or burning me. My Mom has to be strong.......I know she can do it.

I'm taking Mom to chemotherapy today. This will be my first time....her 3rd.

A friend sent me an article on alternative cancer treatments and prevention. She says it is great and has some wonderful information in it. She swears by it in fact. Her aunt has cancer now and is getting chemotherapy. My friend said she wished she had read the article the first time her aunt got sick. My friend is even following some of the preventative advice listed in the article.

So Mom has been doing better these days. She met with the stoma nurse therapist recently. It seems to be working out with the new two piece colostomy bag. This new bag has a protective barrier between her skin...and well.....her poop. She said the people were nice at the stoma clinic. I was a little annoyed to learn that her surgeon had not even looked at the stoma with his own eyes since the day of the surgery. AND...she has seen him twice since her surgery. Argh...surgeons! Fortunately for him and her.....this new bag seems to be working out and she appears to be happy with the stoma nurse therapist. They gave her a new type of bag..and some anti-sting spray...etc., etc. She is still seeing the visiting nurse too. Yesterday she had a CT Scan...............I think they are just looking around to make sure evrything is ok. I'm glad they did this...she was so sick when they did the surgery that the first scan wasn't very good. They also found some blood in my Mom's urine.....I hope this is nothing. Mom might be going back to work soon. Recently we signed up for a low-fat, high fiber diet class at the local Whole Foods Market. I hope this will give us some information on how to eat for a healthy colon.